Left behind: I just need to vent

    As I right this blog tears fall from my face because right now my CF is getting the best of me. Sometimes I just a moment to break down and cry and let everything out, and that moment is now. And I know that all of my fellow CFers will be able to relate to this post. Even though I try to put up this front that I'm not scared, tired, frustrated, angry, lonely, or weak, I can't always be strong all the time. It's not something we like to admit but it's true. I hate CF sometimes. I hate the fact that it controls my life even though I try not to let it. I hate that because of it I'm missing out on so many things I should be doing. Constantly being sick really puts a damper on getting to act my age. Right now I should be attending college, partying, living on my own. And my biggest problem should be what I'm gonna do for my 20th birthday next month. But instead I'm thinking about things like, when my next hospital stay is gonna be, how many breathing treatments I did today, whether I ordered my medications or not, or what appointments I have this week. And most recently, whether or not I'm gonna for sure be offered a spot on the transplant list or not. Even if I am offered a spot, I worry about whether I'm actually gonna get my lungs in time. I'm thankful and blessed to have people that stand by my side. But sometimes it's just not enough. Because people that say "I'm always here if you need me." aren't always there when you need them. They have their own lives, and are lucky enough that when CF becomes to much for them to handle or something better or more fun comes along, they can get up and leave. Unfortunately though, I don't have that luxury. No one with CF does. I'm stuck, trapped in a body with lungs of a 90 year old woman, that don't allow me to be the 20 year old that I want so desperately to be. I would give anything to have the life that I'm watching all of my friends live right now. 

I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading. Prayers are very much so needed right now. 
- Amanda

Stanford!!!!!

Hey everyone!

    Before I talk about my trip I want to clear a few things up. 1st- No, I did NOT move to california. When I receive my transplant I will have to live down there for at least three months. But until then, I'm not moving anywhere. 2nd- I have no idea when I'm gonna be getting my transplant, it's NOT something you schedule, so unless you can tell the future, you're guess is as good as mine. 3rd- Getting a transplant does NOT cure me of CF. CF is a genetic disease that you can't get rid of. Getting a lung transplant is kind of like pushing a reset button. I'll have good lungs for awhile but my CF will make it's way back into them.

  But anyways, here's the post you all have been waiting for!

    California day 1 (Monday the 11th): My mom and I flew out of Portland at 4:30 pm. And we got to San Jose at 6:15 ish. All of the arrangements for this trip was made by a transplant coordinator. And we were told that we had transportation from the airport to the hotel and from the hotel to the hospital. Well when we arrived at the San Jose airport my mom called the hotel to ask when the next shuttle to the hotel was. And apparently the shuttle only picks people up from the airport if they are within five miles of the hotel...and we were 15 miles away from the hotel...leaving us stranded. We were stuck at the airport for a good three hours after our flight had landed. After driving an hour and a half my best friend Melissa came to our rescue and picked us up!  Checked into our hotel and asked about what time the shuttle could take us to the hospital in the morning for my appointment and we had to be there at 9:30am. Well the only shuttle that we could get on was leaving the hotel at 9:30, so we had to take it. We had also arranged for a shuttle back from the hospital at 5 pm.  

Top left: Me on the way to our first appointment at Stanford!

Bottom left: My Stanford ID card!

Top right: Southwest logo.

Bottom right: My momma and I on the plane!

    Stanford day 1 (Tuesday the 12th, one month until my birthday): My first day at Stanford was a hectic one! We checked in and I got my "Stanford I.D." then we were off to my first appointment. First appointment of the day; was a meeting with a social worker. All we did was sit and talk about what's going on in my life. It was basically just seeing if I'm in the right frame of mind for a transplant. Second appointment of the day; was with the transplant nurse coordinator. We sat down and we had to watch a power point about the risk, complications, and what to expect (before and after). It was very informative. In between this appointment and my third appointment, I went and got an xray done that they needed in order for them to measure what size lungs I need. My third and final appointment; was PFTs. Just the typical PFT appointment. I had to blow into this machine a bunch of different ways. My PFTs were 21% which is kind of where I've been hangin around. I also had to do a six minute walk. Basically I just walk up and a down a hallway for six minute. They also want to do something called and AGB (artery blood gas) which requires them to stick a long needle into the artery in my wrist. It's complete torture!!!!! I let the RT (guy doing my pfts) attempt to get it because I didn't wanna seem "uncompliant" but he of course missed and hit all my nerves in the process. And didn't end up getting it. But turns out I didn't actually need one since I had just had one done back in December. After my appointments my mom and I went back to our hotel and ordered some room service! Word of advice: DON'T order room service because it's expensive and you don't even get that much food!!!

$25 dollars later....

    Stanford day 2 (Wednesday the 13th): Our second day at Stanford was the most anticipated one. It was suppose to hopefully be the one that we found out whether or not I get put on the list or not. And even though we wouldn't have a definite answer for another week, we were told we would have a pretty good idea about what would happen. So we got to the hospital and we first met with the nurse transplant coordinator, who we had met the day before. Then we met with a nurse practitioner, who was a little odd and was very much so appalled by the fact I only did my vest for 10 minutes at a time, when I guess it's suppose to be done for at least 20 minutes at a time... No one filled me in on that. The last person we met with was the most important, the head of transplant doctor! He was absolutely amazing!!! And gave me two pieces of news that I've been dying to hear. First; even after transplant I can have/carry my own children. For those of you who know me, know that being a mom is one of the only things I want to be in life. And second; he gave me a choice to wait two months to be listed and just kind of see where I am then. Or get listed now and be put low on the list, but if something changes with me health wise, I'm already on it. He said that his preference was to list me now because I have declined so quickly but it was up to me. And that my wait will be at least 6-12 months. Well, I of course said list me now!!! So as of right now I am unofficially the newest member of the transplant list!!!!!!!!!!! The team meets every monday and since this monday is damn holiday, we have to wait tell the following monday to hear back. But it's 98% official that I will be listed :)

Picture on the left: Getting labs done for transplant. 

Top picture: The entrance to the magical place I will get new lungs!

Bottom picture: Getting my ABG done :(

    California day 4 (Thursday the 14th, final day/valentines day): This day was a LONG one. Since the shuttle from our hotel didn't go to the airport, my friend melissa stayed with my mom and I on wednesday night so she could take us to the airport this day. Unfortunately, melissa had to work at 1pm this day and considering it takes her at least an hour and a half to get back home. She had to drop off my mom and I at the airport at 11..our flight was at 4:15 pm.. But my mom and I were just happy she was able to take us! It was very much so appreciated  So, thank you melissa :) Our flight home was good, short, smooth, and easy!! And I must say, it is SOOOOO good to be home!!

My valentine <3

    So there it is, the post you have all been waiting for! I am on the transplant list!! It's so crazy to think about that!! But with that being said, I am going to be doing some fundraising for all of the expenses my family will have, every little bit helps. I am still selling my bracelets. $3 each!!! Let me know if you're interested in purchasing some!! Thank you all for your love and support! <3

    One more thing, I want to take a second to thank my mom for everything she has and is doing for me. If I didn't have my mom by my side through all of this, it wouldn't be possible. I will never be able to thank her enough for what she's doing for me. I love you mom, you're my hero. Thank you for being the most amazing person in my life and not to mention my best friend <3 

Prayers and good thoughts are very much so appreciated <3

- Amanda :)

Update: Port Problems

Just an update about what happened with my port. Saturday; my mom and I got up and went and had an X-ray done of my chest to see if my port had moved out of place again. Thankfully it hadn't, which meant to procedure to fix it!!!! We waited around for about a half hour to get a call from my doctor telling us where we had to go next. He called and said since the nurse treatment room where we were was closed on the weekends, we had to go all the way out to my doctors office. Which is about a half an hour away from where we were at the time. And once we got there the plan was to put TPA (tissue plasminogen activator, it breaks down blood clots) in and leave it there for a few hours. Well the question I had was; how did they plan on getting the TPA in my port if it wasn't flushing/working? Once, we got to our second stop of the day. We got taken back into a room right away, which was really nice considering sitting in a room full of sick people isn't good for me. Yes, I do wear a mask when I'm in a situation like that. But lets be honest, non of us like to wear those dang mask. Anyways, one of my favorite nurses was working which is always nice! The first thing he attempted to do was flush it and the last two days it hadn't been able to the flush which is why we were in this whole mess. So what happens when he goes to flush it? IT WORKED!!!!!!! Of course!  But it was still a little tough to flush so I decided to have him put the TPA in just to be safe! When all was said and done, it was still kind of tough but I was just happy it was working again :) Kind of frustrating though at the same time, only because we spent so much freaking time trying to "fix" it. Five hours in the ER and then four hours doing stuff on saturday. But that's just life for ya! It works and that's all that matters :)

Also, we have officially started the countdown tell mom and I go to california to meet with the transplant team down there!!! In exactly ONE week we'll be down there!!!! We'll be there February 11th-14th. And my appointments are on the 12th and 13th. It's gonna be an exhausting couple of days that I'm both dreading and ready for. I will be posting as much as I can, but I imagine I'm gonna be pretty tired so it might just happen when I get home. I'm excited for many different reasons. First; I'm excited about the fact that all of my hard work and all of the hoops I've jumped through are finally going to be recognized. Second; I'm hopeful that I am gonna get listed!!! (Fingers crossed!!!) And last but not least; I GET TO SEE MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!! 

I can't wait to see my best friend!!!!

Prayers and good thoughts are always welcome and appreciated <3

-Amanda :) 

Port problems

Hey!

     I've been sick for about a week and a half now. And after a week of fighting it, I finally caved and went in to the doctors. I got put on home IV on wednesday (the 30th). I went in, got my port accessed and everything was fine. It accessed really easily and flushed really well. Well today when I went to hook up to my antibiotic it wouldn't flush or give blood return. So I did all the little tricks I know, sitting in a different position  laying down, putting my arm above my head, coughing, and nothing was working. So my mom called home infusion and they told us to go to the nurse treatment room. We got to the nurse treatment room around 4:30 ish, and we were informed that there was an hour and a half wait. But fortunately we got right in and didn't wait anymore than 10 minutes. The nurse tried all the same tricks I had done at home and nothing worked. So she decided to deaccess and reaccess me. Didn't do anything. The nurse called home infusion to see what the "next step" was. And I was then sent to sit in the ER waiting room... Not a good place for a CF patient!! Person and person my mom and I sat and watch everyone get pulled back into a room to get helped, even people that walked in after us.. My mom finally decided to page my doctor. My doctor then called around to  figure out what was gonna happen with my port. My options were, wait to see someone (we were told we MIGHT get seen before 3am), get admitted (not something you want to attempt at 8 oclock at night) or stop IV antibiotics altogether. Well I'm sick, therefore I need to be on antibiotics. So we hang up with my doctor and wait some more. My doctor calls back about an hour later and says "Go ahead and leave. We're gonna have you to go urgent care in the morning to get an xray." Oh thanks doc, I've only been dealing with this/sitting in the ER for FIVE hours now.. When go to tell the lady at the front desk that we are leaving and we're just gonna deal with this tomorrow. And she goes "Oh okay, you guys were next." ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!??!?!

Before, during, and after, getting my port accessed! Not fun!

I was just so done with everything that I just wanted to leave. So after a LOOONNG day at the hospital, we left in the exact same position as when we first got there. Still have no idea what's wrong with my port. My guess is that I have once again coughed it out of place again. But we'll see what the xray says tomorrow.

My day started out really good, I woke up and went and got my nails done with on of my Cysters, Alma :)

I'll post again tomorrow, when I know whats going on. Thoughts and prayers are very much so needed and appreciated <3 please, please, please!

P.S. We finally opened up a bank account so people who want  to make donations for my transplant can! Go to any US bank branch, the account is under my blog name Real Heroes Become Angels!

-Amanda :)

Exciting News!!!

Hey everyone!!!!!

This is gonna be a short and sweet post! I just wanted to share with everyone that as of yesterday, I got the invite from Stanford to come down and meet with the doctors!! This is one of the many calls we have been waiting for, for a long time now. My appointments are February 12th and 13th. My mom and I fly down to california on February 11th and come back on the 14th. And I'm crossing my fingers that my best friend Melissa (who lives down in california) will be able to get time off work to be with me through all the craziness that's going to be happening down there! So what this exciting news means is that I'm going down to meet with all the transplant specialist and I'm most likely gonna be put through all the same testing I've already gone through. But at the end of the trip I will either be coming back with a pager, or I will be coming back with a "since you seem to be stable, we're not gonna list you". We are obviously hoping to come back with a pager!!!! If I do get my pager, it's just a waiting game from there! 

So please, keep your fingers crossed that everything goes as smoothly as possible! This is what I've been working so hard for the last three months and I owe it all to my mom! If I wouldn't have had her with me the entire time, I wouldn't have been able to make it this far!

I will post a long update about whats been going on the last three or so weeks later. I'm taking some "me" time right now. I needed to get away and relax one last time before I get tethered to a pager! 

Prayers and good thoughts are always welcome and VERY much appreciated <3
- Amanda :)

Good news, Holidays and Relaxation!!

Hey everyone,

Sorry this post is sooo delayed. My schedule has been crazy the last week and a half. Especially with the holidays. I've been going, going, going and I'm so happy that all the craziness is finally slowing down! All I have left to do on my list I thought was never ending is my bone density test, scheduled on the 4th, and I have to complete my 24 hour urine catch... Which is proving to be a really big pain in the ass. Every time I pee I have to pee in this "hat" (picture below) then poor it into this jug (picture below) that I have to keep in my fridge, kind of gross but whatever.. lol. I'm really not feeling good today whatsoever. My left lung is absolutely killing me. It hurts to breathe. I'm trying to push out my hospital stay until after new years but I have a feeling that's not going to happen. Fingers crossed!!! I was told the other day (by mistake) that I'm a CF patient that complains a lot. I'm sorry if what I write and have to say comes off as me complaining because that's not how it is at all. When you spend as much time in the hospital as I have, you have to stick up for yourself if something isn't going the way it should be. So if you view my sticking up for myself as me being a "patient that complains a lot" then so be it. But I'm still alive because of it. 

Left side: The "hat" I have to pee in.

Right side: The jug I have to keep my pee in.

Monday the 17th: Monday was a pretty uneventful day. Since I haven't been feeling well lately, I'm trying to take full advantage of doing nothing when I have free time. The only thing that happened on Monday was my mom and I had a conference with Stacy (transplant coordinator). She was just checking in to make sure everything was going okay. And to tell us that all my test I've been going through all look really good and are coming back perfectly! 

Tuesday the 18th: Tuesday was the day I had been dreading ever since I started this transplant process. It was the day I have my G.I appointment. I get to the doctor and the first thing I ask for was an Ativan to help calm my nerves. It was kind of hard to get because the guy doing it was a butthole but I ultimately ended up getting one, which was really nice! He explained to me what he was gonna do, which terrified me even more. He was at first gonna stick this long tube that had ridges on it, up my nose and down into my stomach for 20 minutes. And then he was remove that one and put in a smaller one that was gonna be left there for 24 hours and I was gonna come back in the next day to have it removed. So he but this gel type stuff up my nose, and then tried putting the tube in. He didn't even get part way in before I started bawling, because it hurt like no other and I was scared. He tried doing it on both sides. Since that didn't work, he sprayed stuff up my nose to numb it. Then tried again. Same thing happened. He then looked up my nose and saw that my nose was almost to small for the tube. And he was gonna end up having to talk to my doctor to see what else they could do because he couldn't do it. So with tears running down my face, my mom, travis and I went home. I was SO happy to be out of there. 

Wednesday the 19th: Wednesday was spent trying recoup from Tuesday!

Thursday the 20th: Thursday was a really busy day for me. In the morning I got a call from Stacy, saying that she saw the notes from the G.I people and that Stanford said that I don't need to have it done since the swallowing test I did before I left the hospital last time, came back perfect... I was pretty ecstatic to hear this!! But then again, kind of mad since I had already attempted to go through all that torture. Around 11:30 I had an appointment to see a liver specialist. Because the last few times I've been on IV my liver toxin levels have been coming back high. And my doctors thought I might need a new liver. The liver doctor said that he's not concerned whatsoever about my liver levels, and that I get to keep my liver!!! My next appointment was a lung rehab one. Nothing to exciting to report there. Then at 3:30 I had a 90 minute PFT (pulmonary function test). I had to do regular PFTs, blowing into a machine, five times. And the good news there was my PFTs are now 26% instead of the 20% they have been for a few months now! Which is AMAZING!!!!!! I was so excited!!! The next thing I had to do was sit in this box (picture below) and blow into this machine (same pft machine) a bunch of different ways, measuring the capacity of my lungs and what not. Then I had to do a 6 minute walk test, I had to walk up and down this hallway (picture below) as many times as I could in a 6 minute period. I had to walk just at my normal pace. I was happy that, that was my last appointment for the day. Because I was pretty tired once I was done with all of them. Later that night, I went to my friend Kaylins house to do gift exchange with her and Bree. We all ended up getting each other scarfs.. we all definitely think alike. Oh bree also got Kaylin and I a tire air pressure gauge. They also surprised me with an idea that they have come up with to help me raise money for my transplant process. (Keeping it a secret until it actually happens).

Me doing PFTs and the six minute walk

Friday the 21st: I had a hearing test on friday. I already have some hearing loss for being on antibiotics my whole life, especially when I was six. I had a bacteria that no CF patient had ever had. The doctors had no idea what was wrong with me. And finally figured it out, the bacteria is now referred to as MAC. It's super common now and can be successfully treated with certain antibiotics for a long period of time. But because I had that, the antibiotics affected my hearing. And I lost my high frequency hearing, I can't hear a thermometer beep. The results of my hearing test was good, everything is the same! 

Saturday the 22nd: Was my little brothers 14th birthday!! I can't believe he's 14 already! It's so crazy to me. We didn't really do anything for his birthday because he didn't want to do anything. A week or so ago my mom ordered the rubber awareness bracelets you can get. And they finally came on saturday! We had ordered 200 of them, and I am currently down to only having 8 left!!! But don't worry, if you're interested in buying on we will have more sometime this week! They are $3 dollars each! All proceeds are going to be going to my family and I, for any and all expenses we will have during my transplant. Please, please, please, buy a bracelet and help me out,!!!! You can email me if you're interested, comment on this post, or send me a message on facebook! RealHeroesBecomeAngels@yahoo.com

These are the bracelets (front and back) that I'm selling to help raise money!

Sunday the 23rd: My friend Lauren and I went and got some peppermint hot chocolate from Starbucks, then went to Peacock Lane. It's a street in portland that decorates each house on the block in a bunch of Christmas lights. It's really cool. After sitting in a long never ending line of cars for over a half an hour, we finally got to see all the pretty lights! 

Monday the 24th: Monday was Christmas Eve, and also the day my best friend (Melissa) flew in from california!!! I was very much so excited to see her!! I hadn't seen here since the beginning of september, I think it was. My family and I all went out to my aunt and uncles house for a christmas eve dinner!! It was nice :)

Tuesday the 25th: Merry Christmas!!!!!!! I hope everyone had a wonderful christmas, I know I did! Most families wake up bright and early on christmas morning to do presents because they're all sooo excited...but not mine...my family didn't wake up tell 10:30 am. After we had our christmas my mom, sister, and I went over to my other aunts house for a little dinner. It was good! After that, I took my mom and sister home and went over to Melissa's moms house to do christmas with them. And then my mom, me, and melissa took christmas dinner up to my friend Mat, who has CF, who was in the hospital! It was a good christmas and it was even better because I got to see everyone I loved that day. Especially Mel <3

Me on Christmas day, wearing the scarf my grandma made me!!! <3

Melissa and I on Christmas day at her house!! <3

Wednesday the 26th: Wednesday was a day spent recovering from all the craziness of christmas!

Thursday the 27th: I had my rehab, it went really good! Nothing to exciting, just same routine. After rehab I went up to the hospital to pick up to the unsold bracelets and the money that mat had from selling some of the bracelets. Then I went and caught up with one of my other CF friends, Emily! And since thursday was melissa's last night here, her, lauren and I decided to have a girls night. We went to Shari's because I wanted some pie. There was an elderly couple at the table next to ours. And the wife was kind of teasing us that the husband was gonna steal our pies. Our waitress brings over our bill and then walks away with the elderly couple, and then walks about to our table and tells us that the elderly couple had bought our pies for us :) It's nice to know that there are still good people like that in this crazy world we live in. The next stop we made was to Dutch (Dutch Bros). Where we ended up getting free drinks! So since we were on a good luck streak we decided to buy some scratch its (lottery tickets). Spent $20 dollars on scratch its and won $13 dollars back...not exactly a win...

Friday the 28th (today): Was a sad day because I had to say good bye to melissa. I hate saying bye to her, it's always hard. But I should hopefully see her within the next month or so! It was nice getting to spend the week with her. Other than that, I haven't done anything today. I'm really not feeling that well. I'm slowly giving in to being sick. And finally completing my 24 hour urine catch today and will be turning it in tomorrow!!!! Then we just wait to hear back from Stanford.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and I hope everyone has a safe and fun New Years!! Yes, I realize this was the longest blog post in the world and I'm sorry. I won't let it happen again! :) Don't forget to buy a bracelet! So far I've raised roughly around $450 dollars. I can't even begin to say how grateful I am to have such a wonderful support system standing behind me. Thank you all so much. I love you all more than anything in the world. Thank you <3

Prayers and good thought are always welcomed and very much appreciated <3 

-Amanda :)

Roller coaster week

Hey everyone!

    This past week has been a crazy one to say the least. Lets start off with Sunday the 9th! My bothers football team won their second game which meant that they got to travel to Reno for their next set of games, which took place the weekend of the 15th and 16th. My brother, sister, dad, and one other family from gladstone, drove to Reno on Thursday night and will be returning Monday (tomorrow). Unfortunately  my brothers team did not win the game that they needed to in order to continue to the finals in San Antonio, Texas. I couldn't be more proud of him though!! He did absolutely amazing!!! He played his little heart out being on this All Star team. And just being asked to play of this team was such an incredible opportunity for him and I hope that one day his future will benefit from this. Because after all, he his my retirement fund ;) lol. Monday: Was the day I had been looking forward to for the last two weeks! The day I came off of IV!!! I was so excited to be done with IV's, they get really old, really fast. I had a doctors appointment that day to see if I was ready to come off or not. I did PFT's and they were 20%, which is what they have been for awhile now, so it's good that they haven't dropped but bad because they haven't come up at all. My weight was also down as well, 103. I don't know what is going on with my weight lately. I've been going up and down and down and down some more. And I have no idea why. I'm doing everything I'm suppose to be doing and it makes it that much more frustrating to me. My doctors yell at me every time I lose a pound and I'm really getting sick of it. I know a lot of CFers read my blog, so if you guys have any tips/tricks to help gain weight, please share with me by leaving a comment below! Since I'm in the process of getting on the transplant list there's a ton of labs and test I have to get done. So before I got "de-accessed" (having my IV taken out of my chest, picture below) I had about 97% of my labs done, to save my arm a needle stick or two! They ended up taking 23 vials of blood from me (picture below). By the time they were done I was very light headed! After my appointment, my mom and I headed to Red Robin where 26 of our family members were waiting to celebrate my sister Ashley's 18th birthday!!!! It's crazy to me that my little sister is legally an adult. She can legally sign for that matching tattoo I want to get with her lol :) Unfortunately  now that I've been off of IVs for a week now, I am sick yet again.... I swear my body is becoming dependent upon antibiotics. I always feel 100% better when I'm on them for the last few days and then a few days after I come off. But now, I'm right back to where I had originally started :( I'm so sick of being sick.. I have a feeling I will be back on antibiotics and in the hospital by new years eve. :(

Left; all 23 vials of blood they took from me.

Right; my port, IV free <3

A view from the end of the table of all my family at my sisters birthday! 
This isn't even everyone that was there! lol Poor waitresses..

    Tuesday: This is one of the days I've been dreading most with this whole process. It was procedure day. I had to have my right heart catheterization done. The nurse I had, I wanted to punch in the face. He treated me like I was five, talked to me like I was five, and asked the stupidest questions ever. And to top it all off I had to wear one of those oh so fashionable hospital gowns, which I HATE with a passion. The plan was for them to mildly sedate me so that I wasn't asleep but I was relaxed! Then they were gonna make a small incision into the artery in my neck, then they were gonna thread a tube down my vein to my heart, in my heart, and then in to the top of my lungs and what they were doing was measuring the pressures in those places. But because nothing ever goes as planned with me, they had to go in through my groin instead of my neck. Due to the fact that the doctor doing it thought it might interfere with where my port is. When they attempted to put in the little tube, they kept running into my vein when they needed to get to my artery. So they had to make not one but two incisions. And because they had to go in through my groin I had to stay at the hospital an extra three hours before I was aloud to move my leg. It's basically six days after I had that procedure done and I still can't walk because my leg is still severely bruised (Picture below). I was happy that I had my mom, my  dad, my best friend Lauren, and Travis by my side holding my hand the entire time! I don't know how I would've done it without them!! On a side note, when I came out of the procedure I was shocked to hear about the shooting at Clackamas Town Center. But was revealed and thankful to hear that all of the family and friends I did have at the mall that day, did not get harmed. My heart goes out to the familys that did lose their loved ones on that tragic day. I am truly sorry. 

Top left picture; my battle wound on wednesday morning. 

Middle picture; me before my procedure.

Bottom picture; my battle wound again on friday.

Big picture on the right; my best friend Lauren who came with me on procedure day.

    

Top left: wednesday morning. Top right: thursday morning.

Bottom left: friday morning. Bottom right: sunday morning.

    Wednesday: I was suppose to have an appointment with my counselor but I wasn't really feeling like talking all that much and I couldn't walk because my leg hurt so badly. So I had my mom call and cancel it for me. I don't know if I want to go back to counselling or not because when I'm there I just have nothing to say to her. I'm the kind of person where I have to really like you in order for me to open up to you. And going to a councilor isn't helping me any, if anything when I'm there it's just frustrating me more. I might look in to finding someone different. Maybe one that specializes in chronic illnesses. I also found out on wednesday that one of my cysters (girl with CF) Breanna, who was 11 years old, gained her wings on monday. I was completely heartbroken when I found out, I had just started talking to her not to long ago and I hadn't got the chance to meet her or even get to know her for that matter. Whenever the CF community looses one of its members it's heartbreaking to all of us, whether we knew them or not. We all share a special bond with one another that no one else has. My heart goes out to Breannas family and friends. I'm sorry for your loss.

    Thursday: I feel like thursday went on forever! It was such a long/sad day. I went to a funeral with two of my friends. One of the girls we went to high school with lost her 17 month old son Caydn, very unexpectedly. And even though I wasn't ever very close to her, I still wanted to go and offer her my support. It was extremely heartbreaking. I can't even imagine what their families must be going through right now. I'm sorry for your loss Bri. RIP baby Caydn <3 Please help the family raise money to pay for this sweet babys memorial service. Anything helps! 

Sweet baby Caydn

Donate here ->  http://www.gofundme.com/1ng6sg 

    Friday: Was a sad and tragic day for our country. The shooting at Sandy Rook Elementary school is something that will never be forgotten. I will never understand how someone could take someone elses life, let alone lives of innocent children and teachers. It sickens me. Everyone who has been affected by this shooting, I am truly sorry for your loss and the pain you are going though. No one will ever understand why what happened, happened. My sliver lining that day was that I got to celebrate my friend Travis's 22nd birthday with him and his family! His mom made an awesome dinner, that was delicious!!! Then a little while later I went to the movies with his family, him, and a few of his friends. We went and saw the Hobbit. A movie I wasn't very excited to see by any means because I honestly have zero interest in the whole Lord of The Rings series. I found myself falling asleep really frequently, which I don't ever do while at a movie. Lol. 

    This upcoming week is going to be another busy one, but I'm happy to say that after this week is complete I am done with 95% of my transplant testing!!!!! WOOOO!!!!! Tuesday (tomorrow): G.I. procedure. Wednesday: Take out GI prob. Thursday: Lung rehab and gift exchange with friends!!! Friday: NOTHING!!!! Saturday: My brothers 14th birthday! And then on monday the 24th, my best friend melissa will be here!!! I hope this week goes by fast! 

Picture from my girls night a few weeks ago! 

Me, Kaylin, Juli, and Bree :)

    Prayers and good thoughts are always welcome and very much so appreciated. And please send prayers to everyone who has suffered and lost so much this past week. My heart goes out to everyone who lost loved ones and friends. 

-Amanda :)