Thursday, October 18, 2012
First off I would like to say wow, so many people have been viewing/reading/sharing my blog. Which is absolutely AMAZING!! Every time someone clicks on the link to my blog it's one more person that learns about CF. Raising awareness for CF is exactly what I wanted to do by writing my blog. Since my last post, my page views has basically doubled and is now at 2798. That's just incredible to me, thank you all for your support :) I can't even begin to describe how much that means to me. Anyways, today my mommy and I went and got our hair done (picture below) at my aunts salon (Strut Salon http://www.strutsalonportland.com/ ). I love going to see my aunt tamra, she always puts a smile on my face. She's technically not my "aunt" but my mom and her have been friends since they were in high school, so for all intensive purposes she is. I love hearing all the stories she has about my mom when they were younger. And I always leave her salon with a smile on my face because she does such a wonderful job every time :) I was pretty worn out after I got my hair done, everything I do lately, even if it's something simple like taking a shower, just completely kicks my ass and I take at least an hour nap after I'm done. Today I haven't been able to walk a foot without coughing up a lung. It's little things like that, that makes me realize how sick I'm actually getting. It breaks my heart. I would do anything to be able to take a deep breath. But all I can do is just keep pushing forward and not let my disease get the best of me <3
On a side note, one of my Cysters sent this to me the other day and I wanted to share it with all of you. It really touched my heart but I think it's because it's exactly how I've been feeling lately! Let me know what you think of it!
"First I want you to know that you are not alone – I will be with you every day.
At first, you will ask yourself why did you have to make me a part of your life.
I know that you will talk about me to your family & friends & your words will not always be kind. I understand the burden I have placed on you.
I will be the cause of some of your darkest moments but at times, also give you hope. I hope you will celebrate the small milestones that we achieve, together.
I will require a great deal of your time & I admit that I need a lot of attention. I don’t mean to consume your life & make it all about “me” – but that just is the way it is.
I am going to need small favors from those who know & love you because they will have to help you help me.
There will be times that I embarrass you & make you self conscious – that is not my intention. I hope you will use those moments to let yourself shine.
I realize there are times where you would like to leave me behind – if only for one day. I am sorry but that is not an option . . even when you take a vacation – I won’t.
I will be a constant reminder of the word commitment & I will try to force you into giving up – but don’t. I want you to prove to me that quitting is never an option.
I know there is a part of you which blames me for the worst days of your life. I can understand your resentment of me at times.
And, as some will try to separate us forever because they think it is best for you – there is a small part of you that believes I have made you what you are . . .
That I have been the reason you appreciate every sunrise, every hug, every laugh & every day that I am still with you.
I am your disease, I am your disability, I am what makes you strong"
- Amanda :)